Status

“Jana Hawkins is going to the Halcombe Smithers rally tonight!!!!! It’s gonna be awesome! lol :)”

Jana was very excited. Her first political rally! She wasn’t exactly sure what this Halcombe Smithers guy was all about, but that didn’t matter. She felt so active, so patriotic, so… American. She went out and bought an entirely new outfit just for the occasion. She made a huge sign with Smithers’ famous “Pick Up the PEACEes” slogan in bright blue and red. She even posted about it on her Facebook status so everyone could see how serious she was about politics.

“Wow girl i am sooooo jealous lol that rally is going to rock!!!!” commented an old friend she hadn’t seen in more than a decade.

“That is wonderful. I remember when you were just a little junior high schooler, giggling about the cute boy you sat next to in geography class. And now you’re a responsible adult, attending an important civic occasion. I am impressed,” said one of her old church leaders.

“We'll see what the rally turns out to be, but I have a hard time believing that it's a plea to both sides to listen to each other when he's made it very clear that he has nothing but contempt for the. . . see more” said a friend of Jana’s sister, who commented on every picture Jana ever posted, and whom Jana had not really wanted to “be friends with” in the first place. Jana felt a thrill of excitement run through her at all the comments. She was just so involved!

Making sure to check that no new comments had been added while she was getting ready, Jana looked at the clock at 6:43 and decided it was time to leave. Nervousness had given her a temperamental stomach, so all she had been able to force down for dinner was half a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. The other half was sitting, slowly turning to soggy mush, on the counter in the kitchen. She carefully took stock of the things she was holding in her hands and, with a thrill, walked to the garage, got in her car, and headed out.

******

“So, you’re sure this girl is gone for the whole night Kev?” Sitting in the passenger side of the old Chevy truck a few houses down the street, Manuel watched casually as Jana pulled out of her driveway and headed towards them. As she passed the truck and turned left at the corner behind them, he scanned the neighborhood around them.

“Yeah man, I told you like a million times, she’s been posting about it on Facebook for like three months. She won’t be back till like eleven at the earliest.” Kevin smoked his cigarette with the air of someone who thought he was on an MTV reality show. He made every inhalation seem important. The minutes ticked by. It was 7:30 when Manuel spoke again.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Kevin pulled the old truck slowly up to the curb in from of Jana’s house and the two men got out. They walked confidently to the side gate and Manuel took one quick look around him before he sprang nimbly over. A dull ‘clip’ and a few seconds later the gate was swinging steadily open. Kevin passed through and shut it quietly behind him.

They did not have to speak as they broke the screen off a back window, broke through the glass, and reached through to unlatch the lock. They had done it all so many times. They moved like two parts of a whole. By 7:34 they were in Jana’s bedroom.

******

“Jana Hawkins is totally making history at the Halcombe Smithers rally!!!! this man is so the next mahatima gandii lol!!!”

“And that’s why we’ve got to pick our sorry carcasses off the cracked and crumbling soil of this great American nation, dust off our pants, and put the PEACEes back together.”

The crowd roared around Jana and she found herself screaming in ecstasy, almost as though she couldn’t help it, along with them. Brilliant, she thought. Every word he said was just so deeply moving, it was like she had heard the words before in a movie, but this time she was actually in the movie along with all the famous actors. And to think, she was actually witnessing it all first hand. Smithers, a distant figure on a stand hundreds of feet in front of her, pumped his fist in the air again, for added emphasis, and the crowd roared even louder.

Jana had been getting a flattering amount of comments on every status update she had done. She had been posting about once every twenty minutes, and she couldn’t believe how many of her friends cared. One of the new friends she had made, a guy named Kevin Baldwin, had commented on every one of her updates. She couldn’t quite remember where she had met Kevin, but in all the pictures she looked through on his profile he looked really cute, and she was pretty sure she had known him in grade school or something. Life was just so good right now.

******

Manuel stopped suddenly in the kitchen and Kevin, who was carrying Jana’s 21’ flatscreen TV, ‘oomphed’ as he barreled into Manuel’s back.

“What, dude?” Kevin grumbled but Manuel just continued to stare at something Kevin couldn’t see.

“Kev, do you see that?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Right there, on the counter.” Kevin swore, shifting the TV from his right arm to his left.

“Dude, what the…” Kevin’s voice trailed off as Manuel moved enough for him to see what he was staring at.

“How the @$%& did she know?” Manuel whispered, almost reverently as his eyes bored holes into the mushy half-eaten bowl of cereal on the counter. A siren screamed suddenly, from some distance away, getting closer at an alarming speed. Kevin dropped the TV with a crash and ran desperately for the garage.

“Manuel,” he screamed, slamming his hand on the garage door opener affixed to the wall. He leaped into the truck they had pulled into the garage earlier.

“Get the &@$% out here dude!” The siren was getting closer, a lot closer.

“How…” Manuel whispered again, his voice almost a breath. Finally, as though snapped out of his trance by some unseen force, Manuel looked up in horror and whipped his body into action. He made a bolt for the garage. Kevin had already started to peel out as Manuel lunged for the passenger side door, wrenched it open, and flung himself in. Kevin hit the gas and forced his way through all the furniture and appliances they had been stacking by the open bed of the truck, which went flying in all directions. Jana’s brand new desktop computer escaped being crushed to pieces by about two inches.

The sirens were close now and Kevin looked around the neighborhood wildly as he tried to decide which way to escape. Manuel pointed frantically to the left and Kevin sped off, never once looking back.

Seconds later two police cars and an ambulance pulled into the driveway of the house across from Jana’s. Mr. Brooks, an elderly gentleman, came hobbling out.

“She’s breathing easier now, but I’m still glad you folks are here,” he said, wheezing slightly. A policemen and a paramedic walked calmly up the path, following Mr. Brooks back into the house. Two other policemen stayed out on the porch, looking disgustedly after Mr. Brooks’ retreating back.

“This is the third time this month,” one of the men said to the other in an undertone. “I wish the old lady would just kick the bucket and get it over with.” The other man chuckled and nodded sympathetically.

“Well, at least it’s a nice night, huh?” he said and turned to survey the pretty evening sky.

“What the…?” he said, starting, and the other policeman turned in to look. They noticed, for the first time, the utter mayhem across the street.

******

“Jana Hawkins got ROBBED tonight!!!!!! :( :( :( well almost!!!!! I am totally FREAKED OUT right now!!!!! :( :(“

Jana sat slumped in a kitchen chair in her now empty living room. It was going to take forever to get everything back where it was supposed to go. Police officers were swarming everywhere, jabbering excitedly to each other, walking briskly through the rooms of her house. She felt so betrayed. So violated. And on this night of all nights. The glow of the rally had long since faded, wiped brutally away by the sight of her savaged home. She got up and walked gloomily towards her battered TV which was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, a piece of the plastic frame cracked and scratched. She picked up the plug, wondering vaguely if it still worked. She plugged it in to a nearby outlet and pressed the power button ‘on.’

“Police are still looking for the two men known as the “Cereal Robbers,” a smart looking woman in a bright red blazer said, her face creased with professional concern. “There have been six break-ins in the east valley this month alone, all by the same two men who leave a strange calling card at every victim’s home. A half eaten bowl of cereal…” The woman paused for the strangeness of her words to have their full effect and a picture flashed on the screen of a bowl half-filled with grayish mush. “Please contact the police if you have any information regarding these terrible crimi-“ Jana pressed the power button again and the TV screen went blank. Well, she thought, at least it still works. She pulled out her phone and pulled up her Facebook page again.

“Jana Hawkins is totally not sleeping at home tonight!!! :( im going over to my moms i dont think i'll be able to sleep here for a long time oh my gosh how could someone do something like this i'm so upset…”