The tired and disheveled mother sat in the airport terminal that had been her home for the past twelve hours and thirteen minutes. Not that she was counting. Her eyes were open, but just barely enough to allow her to watch the terminal monitor for the arrival of the next plane. The mother looked down. At her feet lay her nine month old son, sleeping angelically in his car seat.
I need to clean that seat once we get home, she thought.
Dried pureed yams, green beans, roasted salmon, and, what was that brownish yellowish stuff, oh yeah, bananas, spotted the seat like the bottom of a birdcage spotted with the unmentionables. Then there were the contents of the twelve ounce box of Cheerios that must be in there somewhere, because he certainly hadn't eaten those very successfully either.
“Ma’am. Ma’am?” said a southerly female voice.
The mother looked up and saw the gate attendant she had spoken with earlier. “Yes?” the mother replied.
“I’m sorry.” The attendant paused just for a moment, “but we are unable to transfer your ticket. You will have to pay for a new ticket to get on the next available flight.”
The mother’s eyes grew wide while she suppressed the tears that were building up.
No, no tears, she thought.
“But I did pay for a ticket. The one I gave you earlier. It hasn’t been used. What about the money I used to pay for that ticket?” The last line she said more to herself than to the attendant.
“I’m sorry, but your current ticket is non-refundable and non-transferable. If it was our fault you missed your flight I may be able to do something, but...”
The mother stopped listening. There was no more money. The last of what was available on her credit cards was used for this hopeful trip. She had already borrowed so much from her friends. No one was at home to call. No one.
“Now boarding area A for flight 707 to Phoenix,” the gate attendant said over the loudspeaker. When had she left?
The mother couldn’t help it; a tear, maybe two, made it out and she sniffled and batted her eyes to prevent them from turning into more. Still the baby slept angelically at her feet.
Turning her head so the gate attendant wouldn’t see her tears, she saw a man sitting a little ways off. He had his head down, and he was rubbing his empty hands. He seemed to be so anxious to get on the flight. The flight she needed so desperately to get on to get home, to end this whole trip and to clean this stupid car seat!
“Now boarding areas A and B for flight 707 to Phoenix.”
The man got up at this announcement and walked toward the gate. At least he has something to be anxious about, thought the mother. She noticed though that instead of entering the gate he went to the desk and spoke with the same gate attendant she had spoken with earlier. Curious, she watched intently as he handed the attendant some papers, then took some papers from the attendant and walked away. As he left, he put his left hand in his pocket and pulled out an object. A coin? A marble? What would a grown man be doing with a marble? No, it looked most like a ring. But before she could be certain he was gone.
The mother turned her head toward the gate again and she saw the gate attendant coming toward her. When she got to the mother she said, “We have a ticket you can use for you and your baby.”
“But,” responded the mother. “I have no money.”
With a smile the gate attendant replied, “You won’t need money for this ticket. The man that was sitting just over there transferred his ticket to you.”
She opened her mouth to explain that she had never seen that man before in her life, but, but nothing came out.
****
The mother was now seated in the plane with the baby in her arms still sleeping angelically. Her mind pondered the miracle that had just happened and she allowed more than one, maybe two tears to fall down her cheeks.
Love this story.
ReplyDeleteJosh, I agree with what merrilykaroly said.
ReplyDeleteThis is a tender story told with sensitivity and caring. For example the description of the mother caring for the cleanliness of her child. Also the constant awareness of the mother's emotions--she is on the verge of tears throughout. (I think the writer must be a thoughtful person in real life.)
On the analytical side (will that hurt a story like this, to analyze it?)--it seems to me that storywise, it reads like an ironic reversal of situations in the manner of Christ's teachings--a stranded woman with her child who has no one at home to call is helped by a man who is a stranger, which inspires him to reconsider and return home himself--all coming together in one ticket and one flight.
Also, an atonement theme of vicarious benefit through the issues with the tickets--his ticket turns out to be transferable.
I also like how the story is cleverly conceived, but it doesn't sound like it is trying to be. My attention is in the world of the story and my heart is with the characters. It's also interesting how very little is said about the man, but yet a lot is said about him.
Wonderful.
I love that the baby was continuously angelic. I didn't pick up the ring part until my dad commented on it, but that's a wonderful twist. This is a very sweet, uplifting story. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteI love it. It makes me want it to be a true story. I like how you really put a finger on the "plight of young motherhood", that feeling really came across. And I love how the saving was mutual. A human experience teaching a lesson on both ends.
ReplyDeleteThat was a great story Josh. Thanks for sharing. :) See you can write! :) Josh, what ever happened to that short story book that you were writing? Did you finish it? Just curious. :)
ReplyDeleteShe was probably flying US Airways, and that's why she couldn't get a refund. Sorry for the sarcastic comment - we just lost $200 because they don't do refunds. It's a good thing Southwest does (plug)!
ReplyDeleteGreat story Josh. In a dog-eat-dog world, it's incredible that people like this man exist, because they do. Very thoughtful story.
What a beautiful story!!! I want more information! I want to know how things turned out for the man and the mother. I know, I know, that's not the point of a story like this, but I just loved the characters so much.
ReplyDeleteI was just talking to someone about how most of the stories on this blog have strange elements to them that might make them a little eerie. This story is what was needed (not that I don't like those stories too; let's face it I'm only capable of writing stories that are a little off.) Anyway, great story. Thank you.
Thank you for all your comments!
ReplyDeleteThis story came from an assignment I had from an online creative writing course Adele and I are taking. The assignment was to have the following premises:
Your story should have three characters:
-a woman stranded in an airport
-someone who confronts her about something
-a third party who intercedes in some way
There also had to be dialog and a plot, and the story had to be restricted to one page. I actually had a lot more fun writing it then I expected to since it was an "assignment." I was amazed at how much of the story came when writing the story. I have a background story for each character, not in complete detail, but a lot more than I was able to include in a one page story. It's hard to restrict yourself when you want to give more details, but I think it can also strengthen your story to show with as few words as possible instead of tell every detail.
Dad Blackham - Your words are very kind. I was excited that you were able to get the subtle parts of the story. I was worried that wouldn't be picked up on. Adele helped me a lot with that. I also always love the little comparisons you find in the story that I didn't think of while writing it. Even though the comparisons you found weren't consciously intended they feel they were intended because they fit with the spirit of the story. You're good at seeing the extension of where the story is going.
Natalie - thank you for your sweet comments. the baby being angelically was written with a purpose and I'm glad you loved that part.
NoSurf - I'm glad you picked up on the mutual saving of the story. I was worried it would be too subtle to be picked up on, but I wanted to make sure it stayed from the mom's perspective. And of course all I had was a page to put all of the created story into.
JDKaroly - thanks for your comments. Yeah I haven't given up on the story yet, still working on it... slowly.
Ryan - good point about the Airways, I didn't even think that was the reason she was in the situation she was. She should have flown SW. And it is true, we often see the world as "dog-eat-dog" but I don't think it really is. I think that is one of Satan's biggest ploys, to get you think that everyone is your enemy. Even when you know absolutely nothing about them.
Camilla - thank you for your wonderful comments! I want to tell you more of the story, but I think I'm going to try to tell more through writing more. So what I'm saying is, it might take a while.
Thank you all again for your wonderful comments. I am so grateful for the fantastic family I have on both sides.